19 March 2009

time capsule 1

I'm disappointed not to have had time over the past two months to write. Surely, though, having more news to spread than time to spread it is a good thing, right? I'm especially glad to say that most of the news has been good news. I will write more over the next few days to fill in those gaps.

I'm doing something a little different this time around. I just got off the phone with a friend of mine, and she was gracious enough to listen to my thoughts. What I am writing in this entry is as much as I can remember from our conversation, and I'm writing it as quickly as possible. In a few days or weeks, I'll look back on this stream of consciousness to see if it still makes sense.

A few days ago, I talked to my best friend back in Townsville, in a call that was probably long overdue. However, it took me aback that she kept asking if I was doing OK, because I said that I was but it apparently sounded as though I wasn't. It took me three or four goes to convince her that I wasn't really doing that badly.

I called a friend here in Adelaide for a second opinion. I had seen her on Saturday afternoon for a brief catch-up, and I asked her if I had seemed a little more down than usual. I got the impression that she hadn't noticed if that was the case. Well, she said I looked as though I had something on my mind, but she quickly added that I've pretty much looked like that since I met her. (This is true enough.) Admittedly, she doesn't know me as well as my friend in Townsville, but she does see me in person a lot more often.

What I was getting at was whether there was a difference in my manner that I hadn't noticed. I've had a pretty rough couple of weeks, particularly at work, but fatigue aside, this week has been pretty good to me. I thought I had turned a corner, that I could spend ever less time feeling sorry for myself and ever more time doing something about it. To that end, it was a relief that someone at least thought I wasn't doing noticeably worse. (Then again, that's why people get second opinions, isn't it? It's comforting to hear what you want to hear.)

Don't get me wrong, I couldn't have blamed her for thinking that I was a bit less pleasant than I usually am. Perhaps, I would have thought, I'm looking up and moving in the right direction again, but I'm not quite there yet. I would prefer to think, personally, that I'm doing better to try to make my life happier than I was to complain about it to people who just didn't want to solve problems.

For now, I'm sure I'll sleep well after that. For when I look back on this entry, I can hope for nothing more than to think I was on the right track today.

[UPDATE: Read my response.]